Strategies to use during difficult conversations

Strategies to use during difficult conversations

1. Show Respect for Your Spouse. Don't speak down to your spouse. Don't assume your spouse knows what you want to talk about. Don't interrupt when your spouse is speaking.

2. Be Aware of Non-verbal Communication. Maintain eye contact. Acknowledge what you hear with the understanding that acknowledgement is not necessarily agreement.
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3. Be Prepared. Back up your concerns, thoughts, and ideas with research and facts. Keep your conversation on the topic you agreed to discuss. Don't talk on and on.

4. Reach an Agreement You Both Can Live With. Then set a time to follow-up to see how you are both dealing with the issue.

5. Know When to Get Help. If the issue or situation continues to create problems in your marriage, the two of you may have the need for a counsellor or a mediator.

Proposal procedure according to sharee’ah

 Praise be to Allaah.

• Firstly:

If a man wants to get married, and he has decided to propose to a particular woman, then he may go to her guardian on his own, or with one of his relatives such as his father or brother, or he may delegate someone else to propose marriage on his behalf. The matter is broad in scope, and prevalent customs should be followed. In some countries it is regarded as improper for the suitor to go on his own, so attention should be paid to that.
What is prescribed in sharee’ah is for the suitor to see the woman to whom he wants to propose marriage, because of the report narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1087), al-Nasaa’i (3235) and Ibn Maajah (1865) from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah (may Allaah be pleased with him), who proposed to a woman and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Go and look at her, for that is more likely to create love between you,” i.e., more likely to establish lasting love between you. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

• Secondly:

If the girl and her family agree, then a mahr has to be agreed upon, and the wedding expenses and the wedding date, and so on. This also varies according to local customs, and what the man can afford and what preparations he has made for getting married. Some people do the proposal and the marriage contract in one sitting, and some delay the marriage contract after the engagement, and some they delay the consummation after the marriage contract. All of that is permissible. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did the marriage contract with ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) when she was six years old then he consummated the marriage with her when she was nine. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5158).

• Thirdly:

It is not sunnah to recite al-Faatihah at the time of engagement or at the time of the marriage contract. Rather the Sunnah is to recite Khutbat al-Haajah. It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught us Khutbat al-Haajah, (to be said) at weddings and on other occasions: “Inna al-hamda Lillaahi nasta’eenahu wa nastaghfiruhu, wa na’oodhu bihi min shuroori anfusinaa wa sayi’aati a’maalinaa. Man yahdih Illaahu falaa mudilla lahu wa man yudlil falaa haadiya lahu. Wa ashhadu an laa ilaaha ill-Allaah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan ‘abduhu wa rasooluhu (Verily, all praise is to Allaah, we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Him from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger).
‘Yaa ayyuha’n-naas uttaqu rabbakum alladhi khalaqakum min nafsin waahidatin wa khalaqa minhaa zawjahaa wa baththa minhumaa rijaalan katheeran wa nisaa’an wa’ttaqu-Llaah alladhi tasaa’aloona bihi wa’l-arhaama inna Allaaha kaana ‘alaykum raqeeban (O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person, and from him He created his wife, and from them both He created many men and women, and fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship) Surely, Allaah is Ever an All-Watcher over you).’ [al-Nisaa’ 4:1]
‘Yaa ayyuha’lladheena aamanu-ttaqu’Llaaha haqqa tuqaatihi wa laa tamootunna illaa wa antum muslimoon (O you who believe! Fear Allaah as He should be feared, and die not except in a state of Islam (as Muslims) with complete submission to Allaah.)’ [Aal ‘Imraan 3:102]
‘Yaa ayyahu’lladheena aamanu-ttaqu’Llaaha wa qooloo qawlan sadeedan yuslih lakum a’maalakum wa yaghfir lakum dhunoobakum wa man yuti’ Allaaha wa rasoolahu fa qad faaza fawzan ‘azeeman (O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allaah and fear Him, and speak (always) the truth). He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed achieved a great achievement (i.e. he will be saved from the Hell‑fire and will be admitted to Paradise)’ [al-Ahzaab 33:70, 71].”
Narrated by Abu Dawood (2118) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked (19/146): Is reciting al-Faatihah when a man gets engaged to a woman an innovation (bid’ah)?
They replied: Reciting al-Faatihah when a man gets engaged to a woman or when the marriage contract is done is an innovation (bid’ah).

• Fourthly:

There is no special clothing to be worn for the engagement, wedding or consummation, for either the man or the woman. Attention should be paid to what the people are accustomed to with regard to that, so long as it is not contrary to sharee’ah. Based on that, there is nothing wrong with the man wearing a suit and so on.
But if the woman is in a place where men can see her, she should wear concealing clothes, just as she should before and after the wedding. But if she is among women, she can adorn herself and wear whatever kind of clothes she wants, but she should avoid extravagance and waste and that which calls to fitnah.
As for wearing a ring, See Engagement according to Sharee’ah
May Allaah help us and you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.
And Allaah knows best.

Silence is the best policy for women

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My mom only had one eye. I hated her- Please read n SHARE

 

 

 

My mom only had one eye. I hated her… She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support the family. There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said, “EEEE, your mom only has one eye!” I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, “If you’re only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?” My mom did not respond… I didn’t even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings. I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts. Then one day, my Mother came to visit me. She hadn’t seen me in years and she didn’t even meet her grandchildren. When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, “How dare you come to my house and scare my children! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!” And to this, my mother quietly answered, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address.” – and she disappeared out of sight. One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity. My neighbors said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have. “My dearest son, I think of you all the time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up. You see……..when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. With all my love to you, Your mother.” [http://www.PureMatrimony.com/]

The Messenger SAWS used to assist with household chores without waiting to being asked to do so.

Not only is it highly rewarding to follow this example but it enhances the love & affection within the home. It also makes one appreciate the time & effort that goes into such chores. It sets a good example for our offspring too.
Many males wrongly feel it is an insult to engage in house work! Let us change that! (Mufti Menk)

Winning your wife's love

Winning your wife's love!

1. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favour by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.
2. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce.
3. Be generous with her.
... 4. Look good and smell great for your wife.
5. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, and names she loves to hear.
6. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family.
7. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.
8. Get rid of routine, surprise her.
9. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses.
10. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her.
11. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you.
12. Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
13. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they be come big.
14. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within Halaal boundaries.

Winning your husband’s heart

Winning your husband’s heart!

 1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn’t want a man for his wife!
2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don’t stay in your pyjamas suit all day.
3. Don’t lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.
... 4. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother. (Not ALL in laws are bad)
5. Compliment him on the things you know he’s not so confident about (looks, intelligence, etc.) This will build his self-esteem.
6. Tell your husband you love him, many, many times. Aisha (رضالله عنها) narrated that the Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used to ask her how strong her love for him, she said like “a knot.” And the next time he would ask her, “How is that knot?” He also used to reply to her saying, “Jazzakillah, O Aishah, wallahi, you have not rejoiced in me as I have rejoiced in you.”.
7. Call his family often.
8. Give him a simple task to do at home and then thank him when he does it. This will encourage him to do more.
9. Encourage him to do good deeds.
10. If he’s in a bad mood, give him some space. He’ll get over it, Insha’Allah.
11. Thank him sincerely for providing you with food and shelter. It’s a big deal.
12. Remember that your husband has feelings, so take them into consideration.
13. If your husband is annoyed over a little thing you do (and you can control it), then stop doing it. Really.
14. Do all of the above fee sabeelillah and you will see Allah put barakah in everything you do.

mommy

At 3 yrs "Mommy, I love you".
At 10, "Mom whatever".
At 16, "My Mom is so annoying".
At 18, "I wanna leave this house".
At 25,"Mom, you were right".
... At 30, "I wanna go to Mom's house".
At 50, "I don't wanna lose my Mom".
At 70, "I would give up EVERYTHING for my Mom to be here with me". You only have 1 Mom.

Share and tag this on your wall if you APPRECIATE & LOVE your Mom no matter if she is here or not!

A noble Man

‘Age’ the X factor in marriage? | Pure Matrimony

‘Age’ the X factor in marriage? | Pure Matrimony
factor in marriage?’
A good friend of mine once got rejected by a guy because she was one year older than he was. Turns out she wasn’t but that was the original reason. Not sure why it didn’t work out after he found out??.. but anyways this brings me to the point of this post. What is it with desis and age? They’re like obsessive about marrying someone younger than them (the guys I mean.) And I’m not talking like a lot of years even…like even a year or two (or even months!) is horrifying to them. Sometimes guys give the reason that they’re looking for someone more fertile like in case they have kids.
Ummm last I looked women were having kids at 40+ and again I’m not talking about huge age difference but the year or two or even around 5 of their own age. Does it make that big a difference? And the weirdest thing is that as guys get older they want even younger women. Guys who are 30 want to marry 20 year olds… guys who are 50 want to marry 30 year olds. Uhhhhhhhm strange (or gross really). Is it because they want to feel young again? Is it because they want to feel like they are smarter, more experienced, more wise? Do they feel like they can mold a younger woman more easily or that she’ll most likely be more submissive? Do they feel like a younger wife will take care of them in old age or that it’s just the natural way of things that should be upheld? No idea.
Doesn’t seem like compatibility is any type of an issue here though. Every study says the closer in age people are, the more alike they are, the more compatible they are. In fact, desis seem to look for a whole host of things that have nothing to do with compatibility, like skin color…shade of skin color, a certain type of “beauty” look (don’t get me started on this), ancestral background, even… parent’s jobs. No joke, I had a guy (extremely religious) tell me straight up he wanted to marry a girl who was the daughter of an engineer, being one himself. OK. I’m sure this will ensure your domestic bliss. Again, I thought guys were rational beings, but maybe I was wrong
Anyways I found this site the other day (and NO I haven’t resorted to online dating (yet)(just kidding!) (but no) I think I was actually looking for some kind of Hadith the words ‘Allah and love’ in it if that isn’t ironic enough… but it had some extremelyyyyy interesting data on it.
For the relevance of this post see: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/02/16/the-case-for-an-older-woman/
And check out their older posts on various ideas and statistics. Very, very interesting… especially for single people. I wonder how this compares to Muslims but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the same. I wish Muslims would put together statistics like this. It would be interesting to see how many single sisters there are out there due to guys marrying overseas/non-Muslims/age-cultural restrictions. There’s no doubt the ‘fish in the sea’ ocean is wayyy huger for Muslim guys in the west than it is for Muslim women. I used to be troubled when I heard of a sister who married a non-Muslim or someone who “converted in name only” but I don’t know anymore. Obviously it’s wrong, but what exactly is she supposed to do when the cards are totally stacked against her and her ocean is the size of…her kitchen sink. Love and wanting to be with someone is an intrinsic part of our nature that Allah put inside of us. Unless there is some major reform or education this trend will only increase.
It’s interesting that Muslim society finds Muslim guys marrying non-Muslims or marrying someone 20 years younger than them quite acceptable, but not certain other differences like someone a few years older than them or a different ethnicity. And it’s also interesting that finding partners for sisters is not seen as a problem, they are just labeled as “picky” and of course condemned if she goes any route not sanctioned by them.
So what’s the point of this post again?! It’s to point out to Muslim guys that there are a lot of real benefits in breaking the mold a bit and marrying someone that might be a little older, a different ethnicity, someone not perfect. Free yourself from culture and find someone who is good, regardless of society’s strictures. Ok the end.

The Wedding Ceremony (Nikaah)

The Wedding Ceremony (Nikaah)

1 – Consent: ‘Aishah(R) asked Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) if women must be asked for their permission of marriage. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) replied, "Yes. " She said, ‘The virgin is asked for her permission but she gets shy. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Her silence is her permission. " (Bukhari and Muslim)

2 – The Wallee (Woman’s Guardian): Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "There is no nikaah except with a wallee. " ( Ahmad , Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi)
...
3 – Two Witnesses: Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and trustworthy witnesses. " (Sahih- Bayhaqee) Also, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and two witnesses. " (Sahih Al-Jaami’)

The Wedding Ceremony (Nikaah)

The Wedding Ceremony (Nikaah)

1 – Consent: ‘Aishah(R) asked Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) if women must be asked for their permission of marriage. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) replied, "Yes. " She said, ‘The virgin is asked for her permission but she gets shy. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Her silence is her permission. " (Bukhari and Muslim)

2 – The Wallee (Woman’s Guardian): Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "There is no nikaah except with a wallee. " ( Ahmad , Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi)
...
3 – Two Witnesses: Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and trustworthy witnesses. " (Sahih- Bayhaqee) Also, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and two witnesses. " (Sahih Al-Jaami’)

The Mahr

The Mahr Allah says (what means): "And give to the women their dowry with a good heart, but if they out of their own good pleasure remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any harm. " (Al-Nisa4:4) The mahr can be of any amount.

The woman is not obliged to give the man anything at the time of the wedding, as is done in some cultures.

I’m afraid of getting married,”

“I’m afraid of getting married,” she told me. She, like the countless other women who had approached me, confessed what she thought was unique to her. “I’m constantly told by older married women that I should enjoy my life being single because marriage is a burden. I’ve never seen an example of a happy marriage. My married friends call me to complain about their husbands and ask me for advice. How am I supposed to know what to tell them?! I try to provide support, but all those conversations do is make me feel even more insecure about committing to someone in a marital relationship. I truly want to get married, but I’m honestly afraid of being unhappy.”
“Is it possible…” she trailed, her voice cracking, “Do happy marriages… you know, the ones in the movies where they can’t wait to be with each other, where they’re madly in love with each other…do they exist? Is hot, passionate, love even real?”
The amalgamation of her questions were the same which young women have consistently approached me with; their innate desires to get married often overshadowed by the fear of an unavoidable matrimony of suffering. Having little to no examples of passionate marriages in real life and being inundated with romantic love stories such as “The Notebook,” these young women have continuously posed the same questions, “Is it possible to be happy in a marriage? Is that physical, emotional passion, real?”
The answer? Yes! Yes, it is possible. Yes! It is real. While it may be problematic to compare a real-life relationship to the fake ones portrayed in a few hours of a movie, your marriage still can make Ryan Gosling’s and Rachel McAdam’s characters jealous of your fiery, playful, emotionally intriguing, physically flaming relationship.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Noha Alshugairi¹ , provides wisdom based on research describing the ingredients required for such a relationship. She shares, “Psychologist Robert Sternberg describes 7 forms of love depending on how much passion, intimacy, and commitment the relationship contains. He describes the one that has all 3 factors as consummate love. This is the love that will withstand the test of time and will bring a couple the sakina (tranquil) marriage Allah describes in Surat ar-Rume.”
So, if it does exist, how can a single person seeking such love attain it in their future martial life? The beginning of the answer lies in helping ensure one marries the right spouse.
The following are 10 considerations one could make through this process:

1. Know yourself.
   • Knowing your priorities, your general life perspective, your own expectations in marriage, will help inform what you should be looking for in a potential spouse. Ask yourself: why do I want to get married? What are my needs in a relationship? What do I expect out of marriage?
   • Also, understand that marriage is not the solution to your own deficiencies, nor will it be the solution to all your life problems. Work to develop your own self without expecting marriage to somehow mystically change your life. Marriage can be a great source of support and encouragement for self-improvement, but if we are not personally working on ourselves now, how can we expect that it will be easier with the additional baggage of another individual who is also imperfect?

2. Prioritize your criterion.
   • Create a list of core and extra qualities you need in a spouse. Also, understand what you absolutely cannot accept. As advised by Noha Alshugairi, “Really focus on core criteria that will make or break a marriage. If you are not sure about the difference between core and extra criteria, talk to people who are married or to professionals.”
   • Know that some criteria are much more important for the success of a marriage than others and be reasonable when considering a potential. If the individual you are considering has everything you want except for the absolute most important item on your core list, then this person likely is not the one for you. Recognize that your list may change as you evolve as an individual. Keep a written copy so that you can consult your list over time and take note of those changes.

3.  “Engage your mind before your heart.”
   • A phrase coined by Noha Alshugairi, this step aims to help one focus on finding the right person for a lifetime. In the thrill of considering a spouse, many people become blind to discernable signals that would have otherwise been obvious. Emotions have their place; but do not allow your emotions to control your decision. Use your mind to consider whether this person is logically the right choice for the rest of your life, while consulting your heart to make sure it is comfortable with your decisions. Making sure everything checks out is much more difficult to do when one is blinded by emotion; don’t get caught up in the excitement, only to crash once you get married and realize the person you live with is not the one you should be with.

4. Understand that taqwa (God consciousness) is not enough, and compatibility is a requirement.
   • Let’s consider this idea: if a God-conscious person takes a class in college, yet they do not do any of the coursework or they do not do well on their exams, will they miraculously get a good grade in the class simply because they pray five times a day? Unlikely. Then how much more true is this in a marriage!
   • Taqwa alone is not enough; the prospect needs to be compatible as well. The marriage of Zayd and Zaynab, both incredible companions of the Prophet ﷺ (peace be up on him) who surpassed us all in their piety and good character, is an example of two great people who divorced simply due to their incompatibility. Thus deliberate: are we both considering expectations in similar ways? Religiously, are we aligned in our perspectives and goals? Is this person really good for my growth as an individual? For my mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health and security? Will they be a parent? Do we share similar interests and perspectives? Will they be good for my family?

5. Recognize the importance of pre-marital counseling with a qualified marriage and family therapist and ask questions.
   • Speak to a professional therapist; not an Imam (unless they’re professionally qualified). Not a friend, unless they’re a marriage counselor. Someone who is trained, experienced, and who knows how to help you identify important issues and develop strategies to help you both ensure you’re marrying the right person for you and that you’ll, God willing, continue to feel that thrill with years after you’ve tied the knot.
   • Ask questions which will help you understand the Potential’s perspective on life and marriage. 150 sample questions may be found in Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine’s book: Before the Wedding.

6. Prepare for your lifetime; not just a one time event.
   • Oftentimes, both parties focus completely on preparing for the wedding, pouring money and time into a few hours of the start of their lives together, without investing on preparing for their lifetime together. Pre-martial counseling, speaking with married couples, reading books and researching what makes marriages thrive are avenues few new couples have engaged.
   • Read books on the communication styles of men and women, on love languages, on successful marriages and fulfilling the needs of one another. Readings recommended by Noha Alshugairi:
     • The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
     • Marital Myths Revisited by Arnold Lazarus
     • Things I Wish I knew Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman
     • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

7. Observe the Potential and keep things on the down low.
   • Observe them, consider their reactions when they’re frustrated or embarrassed; it is likely that their unconscious reactions will be the habits they’ve instilled. If there is something you do not like, never expect that it will be something that they will change. They may initially, if they like you enough to want you to marry them. However, be very cautious as this type of change can be fleeting, and when reality kicks in after the marriage, it would have been a red flag you should have taken seriously.
   • If you’re considering someone for marriage, do not share it with the world. Don’t post it on Facebook and tell random people in casual conversations. Keep your affairs private, with the exception of those who matter through this process. Protect yourself and the person you’re considering from simply being something to talk about. This is serious business; appreciate and respect one another’s privacy.

8. Consider the roles of your parents, and own your decision.
   • Parents play different roles often based on their background and this can impede a marriage or help it succeed. Consider your parents’ roles in your courtship process and also openly discuss their roles in the life of you and your future spouse. Will you live together? Will you be expected to choose between the preferences of your parents or in-laws versus the preferences of your spouse? Where do you and your future spouse’s priorities lie in relationship to parents? Answers to these questions may help you decide whether a Prospect is worth considering.
   • Remember: You are the one living with this decision for the rest of your life. Make sure it is you who is completely certain of this being the right choice; pressure from parents or any others can lead to a life of misery. Own your decision for your own self, regardless of how difficult it may be to deal with the way others react.
9. Discuss expectations.
   • With the instability of the economy and the ever-changing roles of men and women’s educational and career pursuits, the once “obvious” division of responsibilities requires clarifications. What responsibilities are specific to the husband, to the wife, and to both as a team? Who will work, or will both? How do you consider raising kids? For how many years will one/both support the other in their educational or career pursuits? Who is responsible for what types of housework? A clear discussion of these issues may help ease tensions that can arise when there were unstated expectations one or both parties had entering the relationship.
10. Pray istikhara (prayer seeking guidance).
    • Consult God about your decision. You may not see any obvious signs of why this is or is not the right person, but you may feel it in your heart. Beyond the jittery feelings of excitement or nervousness, your heart may speak to you about its level of trust and comfort in this matter.
    • Someone I know continually felt that the person she was engaged to marry was the wrong guy. She spoke to her parents multiple times, but each time they dismissed her concerns and convinced her he had everything she was looking for. She could not pinpoint why she felt something was wrong and continued with the marriage. She tried to convince herself that her parents were right and she did not have a solid reason to say no, despite the fact that she did not feel good about it. Within one year, she realized the “pious” and “good-character” man everyone thought she was marrying was a front for who he really turned out to be. Her marriage ended in divorce and her parents felt guilty about taking her pre-marriage concerns so lightly. Her heart had spoken to her after making istikhara, but she had continually ignored its messages because of the pressure she felt from others. Listen to your heart and trust your intuition.

————–

Finally, love and passion is only one aspect of marriage. And it is not necessarily an obligatory component for a happy marriage. Many couples do not have a “passionate” relationship and they are more than happy and successful in their marriages.
Additionally, it is possible, that even when a person carefully engages in the entire process of choosing a spouse, with wisdom, depth and research, they may not find themselves happy in their marriage or they may eventually divorce.
Choosing the right person and putting in researched effort aids significantly in preparing to maintain a zesty, romantic, compassionate relationship, if that is what both are looking for, but it is only one step amongst many steps in the right direction.
Thus, discuss your own ideal vision for marriage honestly with the Potential and figure out what steps it will take to help you both get there.
The vigor may be powerful in the beginning of a happy marriage, but it has the potential to become an even stronger, indescribable force of awesomeness with the blessing of God and work from both spouses. Passionate and sustainable love in marriage can be real for many. But it takes work, growth and sacrifice from the very beginning and through end.

1. Noha Alshugairi is also my mom in law.

समझदार बीवी

The one who will marry me, will be proud of my purity

Shaytaan told her:
"Who would ask for your hand in marriage while you are wearing Hijaab?!
How can anyone love to marry you while you are wearing Jilbab? Why don’t you use makeup to show your beauty?
Why don’t you attract boy’s eyes to your femininity?"

... She replied:
"By wearing Hijab, I am obeying the One Who created me, and obedience of Allah has never limited my freedom but it set me free.
I am not a piece of candy which attracts eager eyes.
Hijaab preserve women dignity.
That's what all girls should realize!
Hijaab is the crown of my chastity
It is the secret of my liberty.
The one who will marry me, will be proud of my purity.
He will cherish me for he will be pious and wise.
He will hold my hand and take me right to paradise" (In shaa Allah) -Aameen
 

 

EVERY HUSBAND/WIFE MUST READ:

EVERY HUSBAND/WIFE MUST READ:

♥ Tell your spouse “I love you” regularly.

♥ Always say please and thank you.
...
♥ Never demand anything one of another, but ask kindly with respect.

♥ Husbands, don't act like as if you own your wife. Support them they are your companions

♥ Wives don’t nag your husbands. If they have been too busy to get something done for you, and you have already asked them a number of times, try asking them after you have done something nice for them. You will find this goes over much better then telling them for example “I have been asking for two months now to fix the leaking tap.

♥ Husband, thank your wife for each meal, when laundry is done and for how well your clothes have been folded, and when the home is cleaned and what a clean house she keeps. Wives, when your husband fixes something around the home thank him and when he brings home his cheque tell him what a good provider he is.

♥ Each day ask the other if there is anything you can do for them.

♥ You both need to be patient with each other’s weaknesses and faults.

♥ Be always seeking what you can put into the marriage.

♥ Pray daily for each other.

♥ Keep a list of the things your spouse asks you to do. When your spouse asks you to do something make sure you put it on your list and put a date beside it so you know how long it has been there.

♥ Never discuss each others past faults and mistakes in front of other people. While your spouse may laugh along with you and not say anything about it later, you may have hurt them deep down.

♥ Don’t allow a disagreement to escalate into an argument and certainly not in public or in front of your children.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.." [Tirmidhi, 3895]"
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All about a wife.

All about a wife.

When she is quiet, millions of things are running in her mind.

When she is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When she stares at you, she is wondering why she loves you so much in spite of being taken for granted.

When she calls you everyday, she wants to know how you are doing.

... When she SMS's you everyday, she wants you to reply at least once.
When she says I love you, she means it.
When she says I miss you, no one in this world can miss you more than her.
When she says I will stand by you, she will stand by you like a rock.
Wives are always special. She is said to be the 8th wonder. She is always a priceless treasure.
Never hurt her or take her wrong or for granted.
Share this with every woman to make her smile and with every man to make him realise a woman's worth!

Marriage is communicating honestly and openly.

Marriage is communicating honestly and openly.

Marriage is compromise, meeting half way - 50/50 so both are happy.

It's being willing to humbly share your heart and deepest thoughts.
...
Marriage is talking, praying, discussing, and agreeing together or agreeing to disagree and letting things go.

Marriage does not let things build up between you by ignoring the other, but rather finds a way; it creates solutions.

 Marriage is joining hand in hand, heart to heart.

Sisters realize that your true beauty isn’t by wearing lots of Make up

Dear Sisters realize that your true beauty isn’t by wearing lots of Make up on your Face – True Beauty comes from your Faith.

For Beautiful Face – Pray Tahhajud daily
For Beautiful Lips – Kiss your Parents
For Beautiful Eyes – Cry in Salah
... For Beautiful Kids – Be a Great Daughter
For Beautiful Ears – Listen to Quran
For Beautiful Husband – Make Dua
For Beautiful Heart – Do Dhikr
For Beautiful Life – Live Simple

Feel Beautiful / Be Beautiful / Live Beautiful ♥

Be Amazing

 

The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) was sitting with his companions when he began to draw four lines into the sand. When he was done, he turned to his companions and asked, “Do you know what these are?” They replied humbly, not even trying to guess, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” The Messenger replied “The best women of the women of Paradise are Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, Fatima bint Muhammad, Maryam bint Imran, and Aasiyah bint Muzahim.” After some time, when Aisha got older, the Prophet ﷺ said, “The virtue of Ayesha over all the women of the world is like the virtue of tharîd (a meat dish) over all other food,” (at the time Tharid was a very precious food). These five women are women who attained perfection—who have been gifted to us by our Lord as examples for us to follow. These women attained perfection because of who they were. They were all different, none of them a carbon copy of the other. They were unique, they were special, and most importantly they loved God.
Our mother, Khadijah, radi Allahu `anha (may God be pleased with her), was an amazing role model for all the women who came after her. She was loved by the Prophet ﷺ and was loved by the Almighty. Khadijah was a business woman, taking care of the financial matters during the time in which the Prophet was spreading the message of Islam. She was a mother, and the only woman to whom the Prophet was married who bore him children. She gave birth to and raised another perfect woman, the Prophet’s daughter, Fatima. She was a business woman, a mother, and a giant part of our history.
Her daughter Fatima, may God be pleased with her, had a special place in the heart of the Messenger ﷺ. Not only was she the daughter of our beloved, but she was also the wife of Ali (ra) and the mother of Al-Hassan and Al-Hussein. She was known to be extremely forbearing and caring with people in need. Hussein (ra), said that he would find his mother absorbed in her prayer from dusk until dawn. He said that her generosity and compassion for the poor was so immense that no poor person or beggar ever walked away from her door without being attended to.  She was a mother and a wife, and one of the most inspirational women in our past.
The next woman that was mentioned was Maryam `alayha as-salam (peace be upon her). Maryam’s story is as unique as they get. She attained perfection and was granted many miracles by God including being provided for in ways that were strange to others, such as receiving fruits out of season. But of course the great miracle in her life is universally known, her being the virgin mother of Jesus alayhi as-salam (peace be upon him). It is at this time that we should take a moment and put this into perspective. Maryam was unmarried and a single mother. Her story is one of the most well-known stories of history despite the fact that she wasn’t married. She attained perfection because of who she was not because of who she was married to or a lofty status in the community. Her perfection came from within.
Aasiyah  (as) was also an inspirational figure that can never be forgotten. She was the wife of the Pharaoh, one of the most oppressive men of history. In essence, she was a victim of domestic abuse. But her situation didn’t stop her from becoming the best she could be. She continued to push her relationship with God and called out to Him in her despair asking for a house in Jannah (Paradise). She attained perfection and was granted one of the greatest honors, being spoken about in the Qur’an for all of humanity to read about for the rest of time.
Lastly, but definitely not least, our Mother Aisha, may God be pleased with her. Aisha was not a mother, nor was she a business woman. Aisha was a wife, and a scholar. She was one of the greatest scholars of all time, hands down. Her focus was not to be an amazing housewife; rather her main focus was being a woman of knowledge and standing up for the rights of women. She was not a weak, timid woman. She spoke up whenever she felt the need and was not afraid to fight for her rights. She wasn’t a mother, yet she was one of the women who was known to have been held to high esteem by Allah and the Messenger himself.
These five women were nothing short of amazing based on the most important criteria, the criteria set forth by Allah and spoken to us by his Messenger ﷺ. They were amazing because of who they are. There was no set cookie cutter for them to fit into. They were amazing despite any hardships in their lives or pressures they may have faced. Whether she was a mother, a wife, single, a business woman or a victim of domestic abuse, it didn’t limit her ability to rise in the site of Allah. So whoever you are, whatever position you may be, do your best and be amazing. Because you, despite your circumstances, can rise high in the sight of Allah, if only you focus on that which is most important—Him.

TEN SIMPLE WAYS

1. Look good and smell great for your wife.
2. Be a good listener.
3. Make her feel secure, don't threaten her with divorce.
4. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.
5. Leave the past for Allah, don't dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
... 6. Don't act as if you are doing her a favour by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.
7. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within Halaal boundaries.
8. Help her take care of the children.
9. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself.
10. Go out on a date or a get-away for the weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids.

Please share your views! What would make YOU happy in marriage?
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Want Your Marriage to Last? Get Premarital Counseling

Want Your Marriage to Last? Get Premarital Counseling

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